This Is Why You’re Not Happy In Your Relationship

http://www.BreakupBrad.com -- This Is Why You’re Not Happy In Your Relationship
Is your relationship not working out like you thought it would? Do you feel sad, upset, or hurt more often than seems normal? Today I’m going to tell you why you’re unhappy in your relationship and what you can do about it.

Hi, I’m Brad Browning and I’ve helped thousands of men and women just like you fix their broken relationships. That’s how I know that it’s possible to completely transform your relationship, and I can give you the simple steps you need to get you there.

So just why do we feel unhappy in relationships?

You’re not going to want to hear this but chances are, the problem has more to do with you than it does with your partner. This is because the number one predictor of an unhappy relationship is unhappiness in life.

So before you undertake my program to transform your relationship, you’d better make sure that your relationship needs to be transformed. Often a relationship can be an easy scapegoat for deeper problems. Try looking at your life as a whole. Make a list of what’s working and what’s not. Your life is never going to be perfect, but if your life outside your relationship is bleak and depressing, chances are your relationship isn’t the problem.

But what if your relationship IS the problem? What can you do?

I’m a big proponent of the idea that the only person you can change is yourself. In any case, that’s the best place to start. Take a look at your own behaviour in the relationship. Ask yourself how you’re contributing to the problems you’re having. It can be anything from not speaking up for your own needs, being overly clingy and needy, or picking fights with your partner. While none of this excuses your partner’s actions, often negative behaviour in a relationship becomes a cycle that is perpetuated by both parties.

Take my client Katy for example. She approached me, worried that her relationship wasn’t working out. Her boyfriend, James, would be warm and affectionate one day and cold as ice the next. He’d often reply to her heartfelt messages with one word answers, or not at all. She thought that they were heading for a breakup, fast.

I told her to take some distance from the relationship, stop texting James so much, and focus on herself... she thought I was nuts. But she was out of options so she followed my advice. That first day was the toughest. She thought if she didn’t reach out, she might never hear from James again. She was about ready to curse my name and everything I stood for when it all turned around. After just 48 hours of radio silence, her phone started blowing up...it was James. He was wracked with anxiety at the thought that he might be losing her. This simple tactic resulted in the two of them having an open and honest discussion about their boundaries and needs. In the end, Katy and James worked it out and came out stronger.
So why does this work? Well the thing that many people forget is that negative reinforcement rarely makes a difference in behaviour. So if your partner is doing something that you don’t like, nagging and complaining won’t actually make any difference, it will just make them resent you.

So if complaining isn’t the answer, what is? Here are a few steps I recommend taking to increase your happiness in your relationship.

1.CHANGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS

I’m not telling you to forgive your partner’s behaviour or give them a free pass to do whatever they want. I’m just telling you that perspective has power. If we invest all of our emotional wellbeing into our relationship, we’re giving it power to make or break our happiness. By understanding that a relationship is just one part of an overall happy and healthy life, we put things into perspective a bit. It doesn’t mean that your problems aren’t valid. It just means that putting less pressure on your relationship can only help out in the long term.

What does this look like in practice? Here’s a pattern of behavior I find in many of my client’s relationships. I’m going to use an example...we’ll call her Maria. Maria has identified a problem in her relationship: her boyfriend, Adam, doesn’t pay attention to her when she’s talking about her day. Maria doesn’t know how to broach the problem with Adam, how can she make him realize he’s being selfish and correct his behaviour? How can she bring it up without it spiralling into a huge fight? Paralyzed with indecision, Maria chooses to keep the problem inside and not bring it up. But the problem doesn’t go away...it simply lies dormant. Now, whenever Maria talks about her day, she’s mentally keeping score. Did Adam look at his phone? Did he ask her how her big presentation at work went?


*** More from Brad Browning:
The Ex Factor Guide: http://www.exfactorguide.com
Mend the Marriage: http://www.mendthemarriage.com
Brad Browning: http://www.bradbrowning.com/
LoveLearnings: https://www.lovelearnings.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/bbrowning